I’m Blind!

Page:  << 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 >> VIEW ALL

shopping online is great.  you get to hop from store to store and view every item without having to do more than click your mouse.  but there is one problem that needs immediate attention. 

let’s say you are shopping and you want to look at pants.  you don’t want to keep clicking “next page” so instead you click “view all.”  but here’s the real question: is there ever a circumstance when you don’t want to view all?  NO! 

i’m greedy and i want to see all of the possibilities.  don’t limit my fashion views, just give me the real deal.  i can handle it.  it should be assumed you want to view all, don’t make me click it.

Coolest Thing Since Sliced Bread

this is the coolest thing i’ve seen since napster: Listen To YouTube.com

you can make any video into an audio file.  think about all the  possibilities…

I Need A Dog

it’s official i need a dog.  ever since my dog died four years ago i wanted another, but now i need one.  i was sitting at home waiting for desperate housewives to come on when out of the corner of my eye i see something small and gray. i turn my head…it’s a mouse “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

what am i suppose to do?  if i had a gun i would try to shoot it, because there’s no way in hell i’m getting close to that thing.  or if i find it dead, i’m not picking it up because i would be scared it would come back to life just to taunt me.  this is why i need a dog.  max, my old dog, once killed a bunny because he thought it was a toy.  that’s what i need…a dog with a killer instinct.

or i can just get the rat zapper.

Go Ahead, Make My Day…No Really Don’t

am i paranoid or just aware? when i’m exiting a building and walking towards my car the first thing i do is grab my keys. on my key chain i have two keys, which are then placed in between my knuckles. if you try to surprise me, believe me when i say you have another coming. then when i make it successfully to my car i immediately lock the doors. so what other tips do you have for me? if i’m going to do this i have to do it right.

Life Goal 1…Accomplished

i accomplished one of my life goals at the ripe age of 22: i lost my voice. i always thought it was kind of sexy/mysterious and it would give me the perfect opportunity to perfect my mime skills. and although it’s pretty great, there were some unforseen pitfalls.

the biggest being i can’t scream. if a serial killer was chasing me i would have no chance to scream bloody murder. if i was being robbed no one would have a clue. and even worse when i try to scream my body throws itself into a coughing fit.

with all that said, i’m starting to regain my voice and it’s at the perfect medium to sing the best rendition of “smelly cat.” so excuse me while i step on stage…

Go Towards the Light

so there i was just driving along. on my way to pick up a few things at the grocery store when i noticed a light blinding my vision. pretty soon i realized it was my low fuel light. if i recall on monday i had three quarters full and had been driving on the same tank for 2+ weeks. how does this happen? i wasn’t happy to have to fill up in the neighborhood i did, but i figured i shouldn’t chance it. it’s not like i have my dad to bail me out if i tried to pull one over on my tank….and let’s face it no one else would help except maybe the AAA man (but even he would get a pretty good laugh out of it). at least it only cost $1.71/gallon.

ps did anyone else see that lifetime movie with uncle jesse doing a line? have mercy!

Bublahhhhh

being vertically challenged all my life, it would be easy for me to blame my genes and lock myself in my room. but then i uncovered a hidden secret: the water from the shorter bublahs (water fountains for everyone outside of MA) is always colder.

it’s a great secret, because when everyone else is waiting it line to drink from the bublah more close to their height and get disguisted with the temperature, i laugh and drink some that is ice cold. not to mention, no one is ever waiting behind me in line. i get it all to myself. so do yourself a favor and bend over.

Press One For English

why should i have to press one for english? can someone explain this to me? it makes me shake my head every time i call my cable company…nevermind the fact that it takes forever to “speak to a representitive.” it should be assumed you can speak and understand english, if not press two.

when i go to foreign countries i don’t expect them to understand english. i try to speak the language. i make sure i know some common phrases and words, so i’m not known for being the stupid american. i took french in high school, and even though that was a while ago i remembered enough of it to find my plane in the paris airport. when i went to italy my aunt brought a handy pocket dictionary. of course i couldn’t speak italian, but i knew one of the most important phrases in any language: “excuse me.”

so please i’m begging you…don’t make me press one for english.

Balls In Court

channel the arab from office space

one person i work with is a black woman. i think she is hilarious and says the funniest things. granted white people really aren’t funny in comparison. yesterday this is what she said:

“the ball’s in my court and i’m shooting for three.”

i laughed for a solid few minutes. but now i’m wondering if i can say it. will it sound strange coming from my mouth? i’ll be like the arab guy from the movies who trys to fit in with the black people by repeating what they say. that guy always is good for a laugh…you can’t take him seriously.

Getting Lucky

wow i actually won something

actually when i was younger i did win a headset radio at a hospital fundraiser.  i never won an event at field day in middle school (and wouldn’t now…i’m not what they call athletic).  and i never won nsync tickets on the radio.  my mom won a supply of campbells soup when she sang the theme song for a radio contest.  what about you?