Support System

it’s nearly 1 am and i’m wide awake. 

so what do you do when you feel like you’re standing still while the rest of the world is running around you frantically?

sometimes i wonder if i’m being punished for a previous life.  other moments i want to fall asleep and wake up a few years from now when my life is sorted out.  but is there really such a point?  i don’t think so.  i look at my mom.  she had the life: a great family, a good career, and her health…virtually no worries.  then out of no where her mom (my grandmother) passed away.  at that instant her world came crashing down, and nothing else mattered. 

sometimes i wonder what it’s going to be like to live without my parents…and i can’t picture it.  they are my support system; the people i go to when i don’t know what to do or where to go.  i can call them with worries and in the end know it will all be ok.  no matter how old i get, they will never let something bad happen to me.  but after a while, it’s hard to keep accepting their help. 

i feel like i should be able to do things on my own, but there’s always something bigger than what i can handle on my own.  most of the time all i need is advice; when it’s more, i feel guilty calling them.  i think, “i’m 22, i should be able to handle this.”  but when you’re in such a difficult situation, it’s comforting to know i call them without judgement to find the guidance i need. 

everyone deserves parents like mine.  the type that can read your mind and say, “i was just going to call you” when they pick up the phone.  it’s like they know you better than yourself.  the people who can see what’s really going on, even if you aren’t ready to admit it.  the one’s who know you’re lying when you say eveything’s fine.  the people who ask the right questions to make you come to your own conclusion.  sometimes i hate that, and wish they would just tell me what to do…it would be easier.